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To Bazz, on his 70th birthday

I met Bazz on Saturday, January the sixteenth, 1993. It was 2.43pm at the Kimba Cricket Club. We spoke of sport, beer and Frank Zappa. As you do. As we still do.

You’re sitting around a table having an ale. Here’s a suggestion: name a ridiculous song from, say, 1974 and watch as Bazz launches into a fetching soprano and sings with perfect recollection of the lyrics.

For example, mention, ‘The Night Chicago Died’ by Paper Lace. Watch as he cups his right ear with his hand as if he’s holding headphones, or a set of cans as we in the music business call them. Listen now. Can you hear him? He’s the forgotten fourth Bee Gee.

I heard my momma cry

I heard her pray the night Chicago died

Brother, what a night it really was

Brother, what a fight it really was

Glory be

I reckon I’ve seen Bazz do this about 846 times. He also has an encyclopaedic knowledge of TV and film, especially that revered and timeless text, Caddyshack. All of this is vastly useful.

Allow me to briefly talk about golf. Many of us have spent time on a fairway with Bazz, enjoying a leisurely and good-natured walk, and punctuated by the royal and ancient game. But and we’re going back decades, on uncommon occasion Bazz may have been a tiny bit dismayed if his game suddenly disappointed him.

Years ago Hen and I were hiding behind a tree on the Clare golf course as a freshly loosened five iron went spinning by just like a chopper in Apocalypse Now. Between frightened sobs, our conversation went something like this.

Can we come out yet?

No.

What’s happening?

He’s just hit another ball. *We hear a distant splash.

Oh, no. He’s now seven from the tee.

Let’s just stay behind this tree for a bit longer. *We hear another distant splash.

Good idea!

Now this might be exaggerated or not but we’ve all mellowed. Especially Bazz. A certain dignified gentleness has arrived for us.

In 2005 a group including Annie and Bazz took a day trip from England to Amsterdam. Anne Frank’s House was affecting and crowded. After visiting Nieuwmarkt- zigzagging about the canals and museums, we entered the heart- or is it groin- of the Red-Light district with its mannequin-like prostitutes behind windows.

Now, this is a place that scowls at indelicate behaviour. The expectations are centuries-old and respected. Mostly. Enter Bazz. Tragicomically stricken with zero speech filters, he hollered across to his ever-patient wife, ‘Hey Annie!’ He then continued at increased volume. ‘Pick out which ****** you’d like to join us for a *********!’

But it’s both instructive and a joy to observe Annie and Bazz as a couple. The affection with which they hold each other is a model for all of us. The care, the gentle humour and the depth of their love are wonderful to witness. Long may this continue.

Bazz is unmatched in his generosity. Many of us have been a beneficiary of his time, electrical expertise, tree surgery, food reviews, kindly ear for our troubles, endless beer, and golf tips. For these and so much more, from all of us, thank you.

So, once more imagine Bazz, as hand transfused over his right ear, he harmonises on this 1974 classic by the Doobie Brothers.

Well, I built me a raft and she’s ready for floatin’

Ol’ Mississippi, she’s callin’ my name

Catfish are jumpin’, that paddle wheel thumpin’

Black water keep rollin’ on past just the same

Happy 70th birthday Bazz. Wishing you well, always.

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Songs of Sparkling Shiraz

 CT

Just before her weekly massage Catriona Rowntree eyes the camera coquettishly.

The Getaway audience is transfixed. Where’s tonight’s rubdown? Fiji? Ah, lovely.

But it’s about her voice. A voice, some would suggest, belonging to the blissful space between sleep and waking.

Like Catriona in her fluffy bathrobe, sparkling shiraz is also distinctly Australian.

No matter that the rest of the planet views it like a toasted cheese sandwich in India.

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October long weekends. Our throng stayed two hours’ north of Adelaide at the Clare Country Club. We’d observe an annual routine.

Golf. Dinner at Bentley’s hotel. Golf. Watching the SANFL Grand Final in the Watervale pub (another Port flag). Golf. The Magpie and Stump in drowsy Mintaro, where I first heard a publican inquire, “Another cup of tea vicar?”

The Clare Dragon Chinese restaurant where the crankiest person in the world would serve us: Colleen. Every year she’d mutter, “Well I won’t be here next time you visit. This is driving me mad. I can’t stand it.”

And come next October Colleen’d deliver these same lines like a poem. A poem performed by the cantankerous employee of a regional Chinese eatery.

There’d also be a winery tour. One stormy Sunday we coasted into the Wilson Vineyard near Polish Hill River. At the counter, we began our work with Freddie Flintoff gusto.

A single sip. The subterranean purple hue, the mesmerizing flavor, the sassiness. It was dangerous fun. It was a sparkling shiraz. It was called Hippocrene. I was enthralled.

Poets can be fibbers, but I reckon John Keats got it right in “Ode to a Nightingale”

O for a beaker full of the warm South
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stained mouth;
That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim

Tellingly, the parents-in-law smuggled a bottle into England for us to share on my birthday. If a Google map showed who was drinking what across Europe, then we were likely the only sparkling shiraz slurpers. I didn’t care.

Hippocrene was an occasion wine. Sometimes it’d be Christmas. Sometimes the occasion would be Sunday. We only ever had two or three bottles a year, so at the easing of the cork there was always frisson.

Like the Greek civilisation from which it inherited its name, one October the cellar door assistant announced that Hippocrene was no more. “Have you any left?” I begged. Out the back were a few bottles of the ’96. We bought half a dozen.

And then it was gone.

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The Black Chook

This can open the batting at your barbeque. Unlike Watto, it doesn’t plonk down a dumb left pad and get struck plumb. More like Boof, it’s good for a chirpy thirty.

Surprisingly sturdy, it boasts drinkable complexity. And it receives extra points for having the word “chook” in its name.

The Black Chook’s about $18 in Australia, or approaching a hundred bucks and two months’ national service in Singapore.

The Black Queen

A tremendous wine by the late Barossan, Peter Lehmann.

We’d been to Kapunda to climb over and in and on Leo the Train at the Hill Street playground. We’d luncheoned at Masters’ bakery on the main street, helpfully named Main Street. As Dr Evil might say, “Try the sausage rolls. They’re breathtaking.”

Heading home I thought I’d buy a bottle of sparkling shiraz. So I said to myself, “Self. Why not actually call into Peter Lehmann’s winery on the way through Tanunda?”

Rather than going to a liquor chain this seemed a retro, fun thing to do. Not so much slaughtering a cow because you fancy a hamburger, but more like listening to Revolver on vinyl.

A profound, exotic gargle, the Black Queen is about $40 in Australia, or the price of an inner-city apartment here on the tip of Malaysia.

Andrew Garrett Sparkling Shiraz

Like a glass of agitated Ribena®. You’d be better off with a wine made by Midnight Oil warbler, Peter Garrett.

Andrew Garrett once tried to sue Westpac for- raise your little finger to the corner of your mouth- eleven billion dollars. I’m less chance to drink this again.

Bleasdale Sparkling Shiraz

Here’s a confession. Langhorne Creek’s an hour south of Adelaide, but it was only three years ago that I first visited. For me, that’s the oenological equal of never having heard 16 Lovers Lane by The Go-Betweens. The Bridge Hotel serves lunch, and you can sit outside, under the obliging gums, with a Coopers Pale Ale.

It’s parched and dusty, but the vines often enjoy winter flooding from the Bremer River. Bleasdale Sparkling Shiraz reminds me of writer and Exeter Hotel inhabiter, Philip White.

When the Advertiser was still a newspaper, he penned a column called Drinks. White once described a wine, I think a Greenock Creek, as being “full of iron and steel, and women and children.” Obviously, this also summarises the Bleasdale.

A snip at $20 for Tony’s Team Australia, or if you’re from the Republic of Singapore, similar coin to a luxury holiday on Koh Samui.

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Sparkling shiraz is the viticultural Skyhooks. Unheard of in Europe. Never caught on in America. Yet enduringly significant and loved in Australia.

For a certain demographic, both provide a cracking soundtrack to backyard barbies.

As the creator of pastoral poetry, and Deniliquin Ute Muster fan Theocritus said, “Now give me goat and cup.”

skyhooks

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golf at clare

clare

 

golf at clare

for bazz, hen, klingy and maurie

 

buggy tracks and shoeprints darken chilly fairways

dense valley morning sliced by birdsong

excitement strides to the first tee

on the last putts weary exhilaration

 

conversation surges but every shot accepts an anzac dawn hush

chattering carts explore thirsty creeks

and admire vines swollen with shiraz

balls freeze towering above the seventh green

 

like bungee jumpers, scores dive and climb

our girls happily skirt the eighteenth

and birdies and bogeys echo as

golf tales bubble over laughing beers

 

lake