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At Large in Largs Bay: a parkrun yarn

Easing down Jetty Road in Largs Bay there’s a sign pointing towards a Historic Shopping Village. Historic? If I put on my bowler hat, ring the bell apologetically, and enter will there be rations of corned beef, jam, sugar, and tea? Would each cost me 2 and 6?

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti the Pier pub appears and from the ghostly stage, I can almost hear Barnesy shrieking, sniff the stale West End Draught, and through the fug, see the frayed denim.

At the parkrun starting area (right near the public toilets) I chat with an English couple. They indicate to the south of the pub where they’ve just moved. They’ve done very nicely.

I ask, ‘Have you done this run before?’

‘No, we’ve been travelling, and this is our first one in eighteen months.’ I wish them well.

The briefing begins. It’s always encouraging, and I’m buoyed by the shared purpose and infectious sense of community. The Run Director explains that in quick succession the course goes over five bridges. Only two more for an Eagles’ song.

A dry fog drapes the city, and this generates an almost Victorian England atmosphere. Gazing ahead, the northern esplanade hides under a white cloak. We’re off and the sailing club is soon in the rear-view mirror as we ribbon out along Lady Gowrie Drive.

A distant siren wails through the mist, and I wonder what strife might’ve befallen folks on a quiet Saturday morning. This is replaced by birdsong, and I push into the brusque wind.

We’re now in Taperoo and over to the right is a geographic festival dedicated to Roy Marten. There’s the Roy Marten Dog Park, the Roy Marten Reserve, and alarmingly, the Roy Marten public toilet. I vow to visit. You can’t have too much Roy, whomever he is/was/might yet be.

This is a popular parkrun with one hundred and seventy-odd participants today. Dan, who I know from the Patawalonga event, reckons it’s a PB course. No pressure then. We’ll see.

We’re right in the heart of the Lefevre Peninsula. I imagine if it could secede from Adelaide, it just might. They’d strike their own currency, and each would feature a Port Magpies footballer. Russell Ebert on the fifty, Fos Williams on the twenty and on the dollar coin Bomber Clifford grinning like a shot fox. Their air force mightn’t be much chop, but they’d assemble a tough navy.

I swing for home and over the rise see the jetty and pub. In their white silence both are majestic and it’s a wintry postcard. Pippi’s coffee caravan remains shut by the footpath and I wonder why. Surely weekend breakfast is peak for the caffeinated.

A large wooden yacht is in a front yard. On a trailer, it’s in poor repair, and I remember it from my student days golfing at North Haven. At least, I think it’s a yacht. Ben Lexcen, if he were still about, could help with my nautical lexicography. I’m sure it’s been there for over three decades, and a better option might’ve been a garden gnome. What’s the owner been thinking all this time?

With the end approaching (today’s run not mortality, I hope) I pass another commercial caravan on the esplanade. It’s a doggie wash van with, as one would expect, a Billy Joel theme.

Puptown Girl.

I’m a slow starter, but usually finish well. A few runs ago in Glenelg, Dan and I did our last kilometre in a decent-for-old-chaps four and a half minutes. The results are emailed mid-morning. My PB remains elusive.

Next week.

Back in my car I strap on my Abraham Lincoln beard and put a shilling in my waistcoat pocket. I’m off to the Historic Shopping Village.

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Mystery Pub: The Largs Pier

‘After an afternoon on Brighton Pier they’d all race off for a feed of scampi,’ I remarked to my wife. We were discussing Brighton, the East Sussex version. Not the Adelaide or even the Melbourne suburb.

‘What is scampi?’ she asked, not unreasonably.

I paused and considered. ‘Fishy stuff. Crumbed.’ Piscatorial insights have never been in my (fishing boat) wheelhouse.

Claire was not about to accept such an enfeebled reply. ‘Right, but what is it exactly?’

‘Err,’ I mumbled. ‘Dunno. Scampi is just scampi.’

I gave up and opened my phone. Dublin Bay Prawn or Norway Lobster. Not only these but it’s also a ‘seafood delicacy,’ I volunteered.

The Largs Pier is a place to ponder big questions such as this. Even non-gastronomic ones. My wife, Claire and I were here for our monthly Mystery Pub excursion. It was my choice. I had an aged Sparkling Ale in front of me and Claire had a brandy.

We had wandered through the pub. It’s regal and opulent with high ceilings and views out into the flat gulf. There’s a restaurant and another bar named Dixon’s (being the middle name of Jimmy Barnes, the main screamer for Cold Chisel). It’s a popular wedding venue too.

Big question #2 then emerged as contemplating our current context I took my turn to quiz Claire. ‘What’s the difference between a jetty and a pier?’ Our relaxing hour in the pub was transmogrifying into an episode of It’s Academic. We should’ve worn our Kapunda High School blazers. That may have prompted comment from strangers.

I explored the question. ‘So, why isn’t this the Largs Jetty Hotel? And why isn’t the Glenelg pub called the Pier?’

Claire had an answer. ‘I think a pier has entertainments on it like rides and stalls and assorted amusements.’ I’m unsure why she responded in a grammatical style reminiscent of a Wikipedia entry.

‘Right,’ I nodded. Who knew that going to the pub could be so instructive? I vowed to do this again soon. Perhaps I should keep the drinks receipts and use them at tax time as a self-education deduction.

The wintry sunset slanted in across our table and outside under the wide veranda, some young tradies were making an enthusiastic start to their weekend. Dotted about the pub, faux 1920’s artworks gave the place an appropriately jaunty, seaside atmosphere.

Our second and final round of drinks included a Pirate Life South Coast Pale Ale or PLSCPA, as nobody abbreviates it. It was crisp and confident, while Claire had a white wine of indeterminant variety and style but she didn’t seem to mind. We didn’t want our visit to suffer from too much information.

The Largs Pier (Jetty) Hotel is an arresting, grand old esplanade boozer. It has mobs of beers on tap and offers a wide menu.

There’s no immediate plans to serve scampi.