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To Bazz, on his 70th birthday

I met Bazz on Saturday, January the sixteenth, 1993. It was 2.43pm at the Kimba Cricket Club. We spoke of sport, beer and Frank Zappa. As you do. As we still do.

You’re sitting around a table having an ale. Here’s a suggestion: name a ridiculous song from, say, 1974 and watch as Bazz launches into a fetching soprano and sings with perfect recollection of the lyrics.

For example, mention, ‘The Night Chicago Died’ by Paper Lace. Watch as he cups his right ear with his hand as if he’s holding headphones, or a set of cans as we in the music business call them. Listen now. Can you hear him? He’s the forgotten fourth Bee Gee.

I heard my momma cry

I heard her pray the night Chicago died

Brother, what a night it really was

Brother, what a fight it really was

Glory be

I reckon I’ve seen Bazz do this about 846 times. He also has an encyclopaedic knowledge of TV and film, especially that revered and timeless text, Caddyshack. All of this is vastly useful.

Allow me to briefly talk about golf. Many of us have spent time on a fairway with Bazz, enjoying a leisurely and good-natured walk, and punctuated by the royal and ancient game. But and we’re going back decades, on uncommon occasion Bazz may have been a tiny bit dismayed if his game suddenly disappointed him.

Years ago Hen and I were hiding behind a tree on the Clare golf course as a freshly loosened five iron went spinning by just like a chopper in Apocalypse Now. Between frightened sobs, our conversation went something like this.

Can we come out yet?

No.

What’s happening?

He’s just hit another ball. *We hear a distant splash.

Oh, no. He’s now seven from the tee.

Let’s just stay behind this tree for a bit longer. *We hear another distant splash.

Good idea!

Now this might be exaggerated or not but we’ve all mellowed. Especially Bazz. A certain dignified gentleness has arrived for us.

In 2005 a group including Annie and Bazz took a day trip from England to Amsterdam. Anne Frank’s House was affecting and crowded. After visiting Nieuwmarkt- zigzagging about the canals and museums, we entered the heart- or is it groin- of the Red-Light district with its mannequin-like prostitutes behind windows.

Now, this is a place that scowls at indelicate behaviour. The expectations are centuries-old and respected. Mostly. Enter Bazz. Tragicomically stricken with zero speech filters, he hollered across to his ever-patient wife, ‘Hey Annie!’ He then continued at increased volume. ‘Pick out which ****** you’d like to join us for a *********!’

But it’s both instructive and a joy to observe Annie and Bazz as a couple. The affection with which they hold each other is a model for all of us. The care, the gentle humour and the depth of their love are wonderful to witness. Long may this continue.

Bazz is unmatched in his generosity. Many of us have been a beneficiary of his time, electrical expertise, tree surgery, food reviews, kindly ear for our troubles, endless beer, and golf tips. For these and so much more, from all of us, thank you.

So, once more imagine Bazz, as hand transfused over his right ear, he harmonises on this 1974 classic by the Doobie Brothers.

Well, I built me a raft and she’s ready for floatin’

Ol’ Mississippi, she’s callin’ my name

Catfish are jumpin’, that paddle wheel thumpin’

Black water keep rollin’ on past just the same

Happy 70th birthday Bazz. Wishing you well, always.

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A Love Letter to the Clare Golf Course

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In the world of cinema it’s known as mise-en-scène and refers to the poetic arrangement within a camera shot. This embraces composition, sets, props, actors, costumes, and lighting and is designed to evoke certain audience reactions.

Indeed, golf and film might share this idea, if not the term, and the seventh hole at Clare in South Australia’s mid-north valley is beautifully-constructed visual art. Set among fetching hills and riesling vineyards on the town’s outskirts, the course speaks of the joys of nature, our extraordinary privilege, and the enduring value of connection.

Last Saturday dawned brisk as it does approaching 1300 feet above sea-level, but after breakfast the sun was breathing balminess into the earth and onto our faces. It was wispy-cloudy and the kindest of breezes moved about the trees. The AFL grand final would commence mid-afternoon and we’d claim our spot by an open window in the Taminga pub.

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If a golf course presents a narrative then the fifth is a memorable scene. With driver or three-wood from the tee care must be taken to not drift right as an out of bounds vineyard awaits patiently growing fruit. For some these grapes represent golf’s truest occupation: a long walk before a crisp cup; a healthy delay until Bacchus takes considerable charge.

Never mind that it has been deceased for decades, but the ghostly eucalyptus guarding the fairway fringe is a mighty reminder that perhaps golf should be of only minor consequence during a round. If there’s painterly beauty and awe in death, then this tree could be it, all cryogenic limbs and leafless silence.

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Like Mediterranean sailors and the sirens’ call most of our group’s Hot-Dots are lured to this solitary gum. On the green as Mozz lines up his long, curling putt I whisper to Claire, “Golf can be like being at war with yourself.” Mozz leaves it about ten foot short. I lean in again, “He might be losing.”

But, of course, we’re all winning.

If we continue our theatrical theme then the next hole is a climactic point.
The preceding holes have climbed quietly and the seventh tee is the natural and dramatic pinnacle, providing a vista over the course, Inchiquin Lake and the drowsy township. Sevenhill, Kybunga and Polish Hill hug the horizon.

However, looking down at the hole it’s astonishing how much it communicates. The original course architect must have smiled as he imagined the simple challenge; how he must have nodded at his good fortune to conceive this marriage of human invention and astounding nature.

It’s an unforgettable golf hole.

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130 feet below in the amphitheatrical apron a willow sits patiently by the wide green.
A nine iron only from off this cliff and the ball hangs frozen in today’s azure, before gravity escorts it back to earth.

One of our ensemble, Paul, fluffs his shot and lands in the rocky creek bed that twists like a reptilian. Amid the banter I’m aware that his tiny calamity is emblematic of our huge luck in being here, in the morning air with full bellies and endless ease.

Like the sport itself it’s a hole that invites optimism (surely the golf bags of the pessimists are dusty at the back of countless garages), but condemns arrogance and only one of our group, Bazz, finds the outwardly impossible-to-miss putting surface with a shot in this grand context that’s humble and reverential.

There’s nods, and staccato yelps of, “Nice” and “Yeah, done Bazz.”

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Our electric carts whirl down the goat-track through the scrub and bush, and the seventh green materialises as a verdant altar. Birdsong is both hymn and soundtrack. As we exit Clare’s golfing cathedral and go to the eighth, scores are confessed and then forgotten.

We press on through the laughter and the brief disappointments, and as it should, golf performs as a prop for poetic connection and conversation.

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