Amusing Thing #1

Years ago the British comedian Ali G interviewed David and Victoria Beckham. Their son, Brooklyn came up and Ali asked where the name originated.

Posh replied, “That’s where he was born.”

“Right,” Ali said, “But where was he conceived?”

Denmark was the coy answer.

“Dat is interesting,” said the host, “Cause if me and my Julie had a baby it’d be called, ‘In The Bog Of A KFC.'”

Ali then inquired, “So when young Brooklyn grows up, would you like him to be a footballer like Beckham, or a singer like Mariah Carey?”

Amusing Thing #2

I gave been known to sing and apparently am not quite as horrific as I was. With the Kimba crew, one of my favourites is by the sixties band, The Turtles. Their big hit was “Happy Together” but their other song was written to annoy their record company as they were hugely impatient for another top 40 song.

“Eleanor” is also great, despite the band’s intention. They deliberately aimed for terrible lyrics but I find endless amusement in these

Eleanor, Gee I think you’re swell

And you really do me well

You’re my pride and joy etcetera.

This is the best use of the word “etcetera” in the history of the world. Employed to grate it actually works to comic and romantic effect, although I can’t imagine a groom saying, “I promise to look after you in sickness and health, etcetera.”

All of you songwriters out there, here’s my challenge to you: pen some lyrics using the word “etcetera.”

Amusing Thing #3

That is all.