0

Nine

 

Max in shades
Max Benjamin Randall, this Saturday, after the longest time and the shortest of years you’ll be nine. These days have flowed over us, like rain. They stretch on and on, and this makes me glad.

I love how you see our dogs Buddy (Chubby Kid) and Angel (Angela Merkel) as your siblings. Some mornings you emerge from the bedroom: stiff-legged, sleepy-eyed and with your beautiful hair bouncing in a wild, sunny animation, and go straight outside to the puppies, give them a hug and see how they’re going. It’s a sign of your boundless affection, and says many cool things about you.

Your bed is the top bunk above Alex, and near your pillow is a teetering stack of books. Like your dad you tackle multiple titles at once and sleeping, enjoy the proximity of these paper joys.

boys 2

Good luck with that lovely Road Dahl box-set Nanna and Poppa bought you for Christmas. I think you’ll like it, and have a life-long relationship with stories as both a reader and a teller. I reckon you just might.

Next season I hope you’ll play cricket. It’ll be fantastic if you can be in the same team as your brother. You love this game and enjoy some excellent competition in the backyard with Alex. I’m reassured the fights are typical and a predictor that neither of you will be unassertive types when older. This appears likely. It’s somehow comforting.

As it’s one of the sporting world’s most specialised skills, we must keep working on your leg-spin. In a decade or so, Australia might be ready for another blonde leggy.

Speaking of Alex, my favourite moments are when the two of you do something constructive together. Whether it’s building Lego or making a fort I love to see this. While these are punctuated with incidents that are, shall we say, less than constructive, I know as you both make your way through school and beyond you’ll be fierce supporters of each other. In the best possible ways you’ll be warrior-brothers.

cricket-1

Such is your shared competitiveness that only last week you were both riding home and of course, it immediately became a race along the mean streets of Glenelg North. Hurtling along Winx-like, it was superb until in what would’ve otherwise been a photo finish you clipped handlebars. Oh, no! Then it became horrific, but also if we could watch again in super-slow-motion, quite balletic, as you simultaneously somersaulted over your bikes.

Cue kilometres of bandage and gallons of hospital-strength antiseptic.

Pleasingly, neither of you is like me in that there were no tears. I’d be happy if this is the last of your stacks, but confidence is not especially high given your combined broken arm count in Singapore was four. In two years.

sports day

Another wonderful contrast to me is your encyclopaedic knowledge of cars from a crusty Corolla to, as you suggest, a lit super-car. We now take weekly excursions to various car-dealers to check out the McLarens, Bentleys and Lamborghinis, and just last night when in bed you said, “Dad, if you were a car you’d be a Ferrari.” I asked why and you replied, “Well, it seems like the sort of car an old Dad who had millions of dollars would want.” One of these is true.

So, have a great day. Saturday birthdays are always special.

boys

Last weekend cruising about Alex commented how he couldn’t wait until he was older and could live in Victor Harbor. In a sign that your world will surely open itself up you responded, “Yeah, I’m going to live in Clare.”

After a pause you added, “But also Utah.” You deserve so much, and to see and experience all of which you dream.

Happy, happy birthday dearest Max.

Max on beach

 

2

Pub Review: Sir John Franklin, Kapunda

pub

Noted navy man and Arctic explorer Sir John Franklin contributes his name to this Kapunda boozer which is neither especially naval nor Arctic given the town’s dusty location in the driest state in the driest continent. I doubt this old mucker ever enjoyed a Cooper Sparkling Ale. But let’s not quibble over these minor details.

Franklin had a distinguished career before he untimely extinguished in remote Canada from starvation, hypothermia, tuberculosis, lead poisoning, and scurvy. And, I suspect, from an overly long and grim death certificate.

This should have come as no surprise to him given that his 1819 expedition ended with most of his party expiring following unpleasant cannibalism, or a shoddy diet of lichen and their own footwear. This gained Franklin the nickname of, “the man who ate his boots” which must have been somewhat embarrassing for him at barbeques and footy club progressive dinners.

sir john

Sir John Franklin, in happier times

Happily, neither fellow diners nor Blundstones are on the menu today at this grand old pub. Although on a recent post-cricket visit (I was probably there long enough to have been described for tax purposes as a lodger) I chose not to dine (I was afraid of getting parmigiana on my new cricket whites) while fellow guests Matt Ryan and Fergie Higgins spoke well of the meals and, as grandma would have liked, left nothing on their plates.

To provide some entirely unnecessary, indulgent context the balcony of the Sir John Franklin was the first place I saw and heard that most distinctive 1980’s artefact: the ghetto blaster. A ridiculously enormous silver affair, it was owned by one of the Hutton brothers, whose father George was the publican when I was in high school.

As various HQ Holdens and Valiants warbled up and down the Main Street we supplied the soundtrack which, of course, was the masterful 1980 compilation cassette Full Boar. My affections were torn between Mi Sex and their tune, “Computer Games” and Rupert Holmes’ “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)”. I’m still not into yoga and I have half a brain.

th_cover_front

The front bar features Sky Channel and a TAB, both of which were splendidly embraced on our recent visit by esteemed former local Chris Hayward while he waited patiently for his similarly veteran-statused cricket colleagues. Of course, his investments were accompanied by a schooner of West End Draught, although tragically this didn’t enhance his returns.

I’m thrilled to report that this space within the pub is more than adequate for the compulsory spoofy tournament, or two. The bar stools are ergonomically perfect for this, and for competitors who use the Paul White stand as you play technique, the carpet is forgiving and offers suitable support for those tense moments when you’re in a final against Goose Mickan and you’re holding none, but have called five.

mine host

Built in 1849, the pub has a social club and my research staff tells me that among the office-bearers are former Kapunda Football Club trainer Peter Wenke (no-one ran the magic towel out to the half-back flank with more grace) who in a surprise to your correspondent, was in this very bar late Saturday morning. I continue to love the notion of the pub social club that affords its members a sense of ownership and decidedly human investment. But that’s enough reflection upon the role of social capital in contemporary Australian watering-holes.

Finally, on a personal note I must mention the superb bag-minding service run by the pub. If, like me, you left a small Auskick backpack (borrowed from your son Max) by the bar prior to rambling home late Saturday evening to the Clare Road digs of your mate Woodsy, then the most excellent staff will take care of it until you collect it, sheepishly, Sunday morning. My cricketing colleague Stef can also vouch for this wonderful facility.

So, next time you’re in Kapunda, there’s much to enjoy in my favourite pub named for a British explorer who perished in Canada from a greedy, rather excessive mix of starvation, hypothermia, tuberculosis, lead poisoning and scurvy.

dining room

2

The tomato and me

 

tomato
In this complicated world my most complicated relationship is with that most global of South American plants, the tomato. Of course, it’s a berry, but often functions as a vegetable. In much the same way that we have a Prime Minister who functions as a grinning, baseball-capped, mouth-breather.

Fresh tomato

No, not an amorous salad ingredient.

Here’s the deal: with olive oil drizzled liberally, I love tomato chunks on bruschetta. It’s an indulgence, and perfect entree. However as long as my bum points to the ground, there is absolutely to be no tomato within five leagues of a sandwich (toasted or otherwise) or in a Subway. Again, I implore the various franchisees: six inches is insufficient and twelve is too many. Why not introduce the nine-inch model?

Indeed, my mantra when ordering at the New York underground rail shop is to blurt, robot-like, “All the standard ingredients, thanks. Apart from tomato, which in this culinary context, is particularly repulsive and downright evil. Have a nice day, kindly sandwich artist.”

soup

Tomato soup

One of life’s utter joys. Serve me up a steaming bucket of it on a winter’s afternoon and I’ll then curl up like a cat by the open fire I trust you’ve unselfishly set ablaze and nap, purring away with a warm belly. From homemade to café to the doubtless horrific tinned-stuff, I’m in. As a principally thuggish Essex gang member might snarl, “Bring it.”

sauce

Tomato sauce

As always in this zany life circumstance is king. Now, members of my small and disturbed audience might know that I’m mad for a free park BBQ and especially a well-crisped sausage. And while I can woof these down naked (the sausage, not me as I’ve never tried) meaning without sauce, the one time on this fetching blue planet I can enjoy tomato sauce is on a newly-sizzled snag. It’s just a tremendous nuptial: unhealthy, German-inspired, imitation-meat product, bread and condiment.

However, dear reader, my vision of hell isn’t other people or Room 101 or devils and pointy tridents, but the following catastrophe: fried eggs and bacon, murdered by tomato sauce. Why on earth would anyone want to contaminate an impeccably decent fry-up? Placed together in this unholy fashion, every sense is affronted. It tastes awful, looks like a sudden medical emergency, smells unspeakably and I’m confident, is nightmarish to pat. I bet when it sings it even sounds gruesome like Meatloaf at the MCG.

grilled

Grilled tomato

It must be testament to the powers of ignited gas because I reckon these are also a treat at a BBQ or for breakfast. Cooked in halves is best although I’m quite happy to enjoy a whole one, as the chef desires. I do urge these to not be on the cusp of internally boiling so I might avoid third-degree burns to my mouth and face, and other body parts, for this matter. It can be a lively and fun way to start a Sunday. As the Velvet Underground didn’t sing, “Sunday morning, brings the grilled tomato in.”

So there we go. With our long and frequently difficult relationship, we’re probably a bit like Mick and Keef.

The tomato and me.

mick and keef